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I Know It Gets Better, But…

I’ve been feeling really down and just kind of sorry for myself as of late.  Yeah, this is probably going to be one of those posts.  So fair warning if you want to stop reading now, I guess.  For those of you out there who are going through similar things, I’m sure you’ve felt the same way or at least similarly.  You just want the physical changes to have happened yesterday, along with the emotional and mental changes that come along with the process of a physical transition.  Time can’t move quickly enough to get to that doctor’s appointment, or the surgery date, or that next shot of hormones. Keep reading

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Is It August 31st Yet?

I feel like the past week has been full of everything and nothing.  There haven’t been any major breakthroughs, events, or news to report, but at the same time, I’ve come out to a few more people (my younger brother, one of my best friends from high school, and one of my former professors who I talk to regularly) and have been feeling more and more impatient.  I think the “everything” is just the swirling mess in my head.  I have another 4 ½ weeks until my top surgery consult, and I’m slowly becoming more paranoid about it (because I want it to go well—I want a surgery date by the end of that appointment!).  What if the doctor says he can’t do the surgery until I lose weight?  What if he doesn’t have any open dates until next year, or even further away?  What if there’s something so wrong with me that he just can’t do it?  (Okay, that one is a bit much, but you can see where the circles of fear, obsession, and despair are leading me!) Keep reading

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