Getting Nervous

This is what I'm avoiding by writing this

I can’t believe it’s been two weeks since my first shot of T. Okay no, that’s a lie, I can believe it—because it’s felt like a month.  It’s crazy to me that my top surgery date seems so quickly approaching (it’s not) but each T shot seems so far away (they’re not).  I’m procrastinating taking tonight’s shot by writing this post, but by the time most of you are reading it, I’ll be two shots in to the physical transformation that’s bound to happen.  Why I’m procrastinating taking it, I’m not sure.  Probably because I’ve been looking forward to it since the minute I took the last one two weeks ago, and as soon as the plunger hits plastic and the syringe is empty, it’s another long two week wait.

As far as noticeable changes go, I’d be lying if I said I noticed any other than one minor annoying issue which is a tad bit private, if you know what I mean.  (I’m sure all of the others on T out there do.)  Although, I was so excited after my first shot two Thursdays ago that I woke up early on Friday to get ready for work, saw a few hairs on my left index finger, and excitedly shook Alex awake to tell him I had hair growth from the T.  I think he laughed, rolled his eye at me, and went back to bed.  I was convinced it was from the T, even though it most obviously was not.

The biggest news/update that I have this week is that our next staff meeting at work has been scheduled, which means by this time next week, my entire office will know that I’m trans and am pursuing this physical transition.  I’m definitely a little bit nervous as to how everybody will react in the moment when my supervisor and I break the news, but I’m actually way more nervous for any after-effects of people knowing.  If I catch someone looking at me as I walk down the hall, will the illogical part of me be convinced that they’re staring because I’m now a circus freak in their mind?  I’m really good at constructing “what if” situations in my head, so I’m sure nothing of the sort will happen, however…you never know.

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Posted on September 15, 2011, in General transition thoughts, Hormones, Transitioning at work and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. I hope the meeting goes well and people at work treat you respectfully. And yay for T!

  2. Congratulations on starting T! Good luck with telling the office. I hope it goes well!

  3. Thanks to you both 🙂

  4. I am so happy for you! I meant to reply to this as soon as I got notice that it was posted.

    I understand your nervousness, though it was a positive nervous feeling, I’m sure. I will be equally anxious/nervous when I arrive at the starting of taking the E. 😉

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