Weekend recap and conversation with Mom

Before I get started, I want to say a HUGE “thank you” to all of you out there who I’ve recently come out to about this and who have been incredibly supportive–hopefully you all know who you are.  I’ve spoken to many of you these past few days, some in person, some via text, and some via Skype, and it means more than I can type that I know I have your support through this journey.  The more I read and hear about other people’s transitions, the more stories I come across where people were ostracized or even insulted by their friends and family, and I was terrified that would be my story as well.  However, thanks to you all, it’s not.  So again, thank you all for your support and I hope you will keep reading throughout the upcoming months!

This holiday weekend was rather uneventful, other than me being incredibly nervous yet giddy with excited anticipation about coming out to more people.  I’ve yet to make a big Facebook announcement, or post the link to this blog for all to read, but I’ve been finding myself wanting to get this huge secret off my chest and just put it out there.  So I’ve opened up to more of my friends (only a VERY small handful knew before) and all have so far been 100% supportive, which is great.  However, friends are one thing.  The one person I was worried about telling has always been a wildcard and unpredictable, and I would hate to be shunned by her: my mom.

Several months ago, when Alex started transitioning (name changing, taking testosterone, etc.), I let my parents know.  My dad is a really quiet, easy-going guy, and I knew he wouldn’t have an issue with anything like this, but my mom can be a different story.  Yet it turned out that she was super supportive and had no qualms about her daughter dating someone who’s changing their gender.  After seeing her reaction to Alex’s transition, I felt safe enough to mention to my mom that “one day” I might transition as well–I really just wanted to test the waters and see how she would react, mainly because I knew that “one day” really meant “soon” and “might” meant “will definitely.”  She was surprised, I think, but gave her assent and then changed the subject.  Two weeks ago, she had flown across the country to see me and Alex and to help us move into a new apartment, and I figured that was a good time as any to have a personal conversation with her that I had made up my mind–I WILL be transitioning, and sooner rather than later.  She was again supportive, saying that whatever I felt I needed to do was fine with her, but again, the subject seemed to change rather quickly.

Fast forward to yesterday afternoon:

She had called to chat as my dad was away for business and she was bored and lonely, and somehow the conversation steered to me transitioning and top surgery.  For the first time, she was truly showing an interest in this process.  She asked numerous questions about the (what the surgery involves, what kinds of changes will occur from taking T, what name/pronoun I prefer, etc.) and it made me feel so incredibly valued.  I know that she didn’t, and probably never will, truly understand this process and why it needs to occur for me, but for her to take a vested interest in this journey means a lot to me.

After that conversation with her, I was able to tick off one more box on the “unknown” checklist in my head:  how my family will react.  Of course, I still need to tell my younger brother, but knowing him, I can’t imagine he’d care…other than realizing that at some point, he might have to mentally come to terms with having an older brother, not sister.  After my family, the next biggest obstacle for me is navigating this transition at work…but that’s for another post.

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Posted on July 4, 2011, in General transition thoughts, Parents and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. You are stronger than you think, young padawan. Just in case you forget that every once in a while, you can certainly lean on me- and the rest of us! (You know who we are…) I am just grateful to say I know you!!

  2. Love this post. Im so proud of u and excited to read more about your jouney. Your an inspiration to me truely.

  3. Hi there! Just came across your blog. Congrats on coming out to your mom! Sounds like it went really well.

  4. I am glad that coming out to your mom went well. It gives me a small bit of hope for coming out to my own mother (as gay, not transitioning). I also know how it feels to just want to tell everyone, but perhaps in a different way. All the same, good luck on your journey; I will be following it.

    • You definitely never know how parents will react. I was shocked at how supportive she is with transitioning but when I told her I was gay way back when, it was a somewhat different story. But what amazes me is the transition that she made from then to now–literally a full 180. It helped me to realize that while coming out was a process for me (to come out to myself, to others, etc.), it was also a huge process for her and many of her assumptions about my life (walking down the aisle with a man, for example) had to be reconstructed. It took a few years for that full acceptance from her (I tell her now she should be a PFLAG parent lol) but I’m proud of her for that. Good luck with all of it, and I’m definitely curious to read more!

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